Nick sometimes wounds need to be riped open in order for them to heal.
Rick

Thanks for all the replies folks, I was having a bad day yesterday and it wasn't my intention to unload, but I'm glad I did. I'm feeling much better today and as the sun is out I will be building garden furniture! I hope I didn't open too many old wounds....

Hello Nick,
I think you have received some good advice from the others, however just remember that what works for one person won't always work for another so don't be discouraged. I have been in a similar situation to you and the others and I think the worst thing that happened was when others said things like buck your ideas up, sort yourself out or it could be worse. Grief, depression, anxiety etc affects different people in different ways so do NOT compare your self to others. I have found that talking to others (not necessarily about my problems ) helped me. The answer might not lie with model boats, I believe that colouring books have helped some people regain interest. Forcing yourself to do something you once enjoyed may be counter productive. CBT or mindfulness are certainly worth thinking about. Please let us know how you are getting on, it's obvious that in this group there are plenty of members who have been in the same situation. You are not alone.
Good luck and best wishes Tim

I lost a 17 year old son to a car accident in '87 and last Sept a 59 year old son to a brain tumor. I don't mention this for sympathy, but only to affirm that I understand.
There's not a day goes by that I don't think of both of them. There is certainly a period of grief that we endure, then it is up to us to decide how we move forward. How would the departed want us to continue?
I don't mean to come across trite, or to take these circumstances lightly because they are arguably the hardest things in life to deal with, but my thoughts are ~ as long as their memory and the good times are alive in my heart, my sons have only passed from view. They could be in another room or another town.
My faith tells me we will be reunited again.

So sorry Jim, I guess it helps to know I'm not alone. Luckily I don't dribk, alcohol doesn't agree with me, the occaisional G+T Is enough for me. I just lapsed into a torpor that I am still getting out of. I am going to dig my puffer out in the morning. If I do a post on finishing it I will be comitted to seeing it through to the end....

Hi nick l lost my 36 year old son in 2018. A complete shock to all who new and loved him. Like you l completely lost my way cheap whisky and beer was pushing its way into my weak,nd reality to what had happend. l was a self employed engineer so l had to work to survive to keep the rest of my familys heads above water. There were times when l just dont want to to think about it.
lt sounds very selfish but l really got into building refurbishing and the pain started to lessen, Did not go away but l was able to function a lot better. modelling helped me cope l hope you find something that helps you Stay safe Jim

Bill, At least I can move about and do things, your plight is far worse than mine, I would hate to be bedridden, it would drive me nuts. I wasn't sure about posting originally but then thought what the heck, and posted anyway, I'm glad I did, and see from the replies that I am not alone in having to deal with tragedy. Thank you all for your kind words and encouragment. This afternoon I built the Hobbyzone organizer that I bought months ago, and sorted the bedroom workspace out, and it does feel good that I have achieved something..

Dear All.
What an emotive subject.
Nick,as I said in my PM to you I cannot image the pain you and others have had and the mental anguish that you have to face.
In my second career I sadly had to deliver numerous messages of a sad life changing nature to many families.
It never got any easier.
Whilst thankfully I have not had to face that personally I can relate.
For me at this time I also am struggling,as in November I contracted a life changing condition that has seen me become a shadow of the strong fit man I was.
Because of a 4stone weight loss I am ashamed to meet friends and go on Skype meetings as I am embarrassed by how I look.
I have become somewhat of a recluse.
Sadly I am largely at this time bed bound and can’t even get to the boat shed to build ☹️😞.
This site has been a godsend in keeping the brain active along with reading etc.
We are all fragile people and being “blokes” our stock answer is “I’m ok” when everyone else knows you’re not.
Because of the tablets I’m on I can’t even have a 🍷 to drown my sorrows.😂😂
Take care all👍👍

This is an especially interesting and very personal thread for myself. My wife passed 17 months ago and I didn't grieve at the time. The grief came later and now that spring is here once again I have sailed twice and I am feeling much better than I have in 2 years! When my father passed I thought of him every single day for 10 years, missed him terribly, missed his counsel most of all. Then suddenly I realized that I wasn't thinking of him quite so often as I had been. Things do get better, sometimes it just takes time. Recently I tried to engage in a grief counseling group however it was canceled for lack of Interest. I'm not sure that I need it now that some more time has passed

Nick for sure this is the right place to post.So sorry for your loss.Grief is such a personal thing for each of us to recover from. I do like Colin's idea and it seams you have the boat to dedicate for your daughter.
I'm not sure how one goes about getting thier "mojo" back I do believe talking to others of your loss and grief help's
Please use the forum as a sounding board
Rick

Hi Nick, whatever our interests we have they are bound up with the relationships that matter to us. And when we lose someone we love it puts us into a flat spin and we start living the 'why do I bother' syndrome. The only way out of this is to do something for someone else, just to make them feel happier. Given your skills with steam engines (if only you lived near me!) there must be someone on your local lake who would benefit! You may be thinking you don't have much to offer -but believe me you do!

Hello Nick, Sorry to hear of your terrible circumstance, I can't imagine where I would be if I lost a daughter.(I have 4) Probably in the same place you are. I went into depression when my father died. I
Stopped doing everything we used to do together. Then one day I did what Colin suggested, I dedicated a build to him. I finished it and it made me think about all the good times we had and things we did together...somehow that eased my pain. I try to focus on that now. I know she would be proud of you. If your mindset stays the same I would get professional help. Depression is a terrible thing and nothing to be ashamed of. Do something before it gets worse. I hope this and everyone else's advice helps you. I personally can't wait to see your next project. Thoughts and prayers from my family ..Dave RR

Hey Colin, what a great idea, many thanks. I have a Sealight puffer kit that is nearly there, I have converted it to run on steam. I will rename it Helen's Light in her honour....

Thank you David, I take babysteps, one at a time, I know it will come right eventually. It is completely un natural for us to outlive our children, I keep telling myself to get on with it but it's easier said than done...

Hi Nick, I lost my eldest son a few years ago and like you I spent the next couple of years in the evenings and weekends just sitting and watching TV. You don't suddenly wake up one morning and feel good/better so don't be to hard on yourself, everyone else seems to move on but it takes us longer. Give yourself time and things will improve, you will never forget your daughter and will think of her everyday as I do my son, but you will eventually be able to function in the new normal. It's like an icon on your computer screen, right now it's filling the whole computer but will eventually resize itself. Being with other people helped and doing something different gave me a chance to concentrate and think of something else for a short time, was like a holiday for my head.
I hope in some small way my experience and words will help, I am ahead of you on this curve and know that things do improve. David

Hi it must be difficult, i find the winter the hardest to get going, summer alwsys helps, using a daylight lap may help... like uiu a have a number of projects on the go, more recently i have just focused on one or 2 to help..and it seems to work, i find setting my self an objective for my modelling time helps, an end point to focus on..
hope this helps..

Good morning Nick, I think that a model dedicated to your daughter could give you the push you need.
When I go through a black patch I either try to help a fellow modeller or dedicate a model to a deserving person.
Best wishes shipmate, remember we are here for you.
Cheers Colin.

Thanks for your kind words Herman, I am trying, on a daily basis. Today I plan to tidy my work space, which looks like a disaster area at the moment. I have tried starting a new project to kick start my enthusiasm but after the inital excitement of opening the box and making a brief start things fall by the wayside in no time, so that wasn't the solution...

Nick the steam à good morning
I would say THANKS for sharing this it shows what a bunch of Nice,decent and honest people we are United on this forum. You must break the circle, and i know it’s easier said as done but once you havé Made that additional step you Will feel the différence and you Made the move into the Wright direction. There Will still be moments or even days that it is not 100% but you once you force your self you wil feel the tremendous différence and the courage and PLAISURE that you havé Made the step forward.And when your modelboat is finished there will be a big smile in your face, your négative thoughts will be in the backside of your head and you want desparately starting thé next model. Taking it to thé pond is like heaven. Sunshine, good members to talk to and when you Cole home you can havé a dit in your chair thinking what a fantastic day and that’s the Spirit believe me
I sincerely wish you havé thé strenght to follow and do what i tried to tell and let me know if you succeed. In the meantime i wish you a sunna weekend to start with thé first step
Herman K the lifeboat liver